New research has indicated something called "male menopause" where men get fatter and lose interest in sex. Of course it's also known as football season. Conan O'Brien

The economy's so bad women in Beverly Hills are telling their real age just to get their AARP discount. Jay Leno

I've had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware. Joan Rivers

I don't look like Halle Berry. But chances are she's going to end up looking like me someday. Whoopi Goldberg

According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy. Jerry Seinfeld

You know you are old when all the numbers in your black book have "M.D." after them. Harrison Ford